It’s Been Far Too Long…

Dear Family and Friends:

I am really sorry I have not been able to write for quite some time. Too many reasons why, but it just boils down to one…

I have had a really hard time wrapping my arms around all the emotions that have emerged over the past 6 months. So many times I have sat down and started to write only to erase the flood of craziness I felt. I was finally able to relax and let my guard down after the chemo stopped. It was time to put the pieces of my life back together. Yet I didn’t even know what or where the pieces were. I wanted everything to go back to “normal” immediately. I didn’t even know what “normal” was. For the past 15 months my life centered around chemo and doctor appointments. I was excited to put that behind me, I just didn’t know what was ahead of me. I still did not have very much energy and my feet were continuing to hurt. Now that I was done with treatment I wanted my energy back and I really wanted my feet to stop hurting NOW!! I was not very patient.

Also, I could blame the chemo for all the symptoms of menopause I was feeling. Now off the chemo, the menopause symptoms continued. I was really in denial of this. Since I cannot take ANYTHING for symptoms, I was up and down and just couldn’t control my emotional state. Finally, I asked for help from my doctor and she put me on a low dose of Wellbutrin. This has really helped stabilize my emotions and menopause! God, I hate telling all of you this, but I have tried to be as honest as possible in this blog.

My last chemo was October 29, 2008. I went to this appointment thinking I had 4 more treatments ahead of me. Dr. Chambers walked into the room and immediately announced that I was done. She was not going to give me anymore Taxol!! I was totally blown away. I had prepared myself mentally for a treatment and just could not see myself walking away without a treatment. Also, it was really a security blanket. As long as I was in treatment, the cancer just could not come back! Even though she told me I could walk away, I decided to be treated that day!

Thanksgiving and Christmas came and went quickly. As you know, our focus at that time was my dad. We lost him on February 6, 2009 at 11:57. Dad was tired and ready and with his last breath he had a big smile on his face that will forever live in our minds and hearts.

March came quickly and so did the party! We raised $14,000 for the Arizona Cancer Center. Thank you to all of you who supported our efforts, you are all to be commended for your generousity. Thank you, thank you, thank you.

In April, I went down to Mexico to spend the weekend with my mom, Michelle and Kristen (celebrating her 30th b-day). Mom and I went to the shrimp market to get dinner. I was not at all hungry for the shrimp so one of the guys int he market gave me some “chicken fish.” Asking what it was, he just said it was a small white fish. Just so happened I was the only one who ate this and the only one who woke up at about 2 in the morning with food poisoning. At the time, I did have a bit of a cold, but as soon as I got sick my lungs became so inflammed and I developed the worst chest cold. This cleared in about 10 days, but just last week the chest cold came back again but much worse. John again saved me, I went to the ER at St. Joe’s when he was working to get a chest x-ray just to be sure that I was not dealing with pneumona or something worse.

At about this time, my aunt was in Mexico and went to the fish market and inquired with one of the shrimpers about “chicken fish”! Well, guess what “chicken fish” is…PUFFER FISH, a very toxic fish, which is a delicacy in Japan. It is a specialty to cut and prepare because of the toxic effects!! It can cause illness and death in about 15 to 45 minutes!! Oh my god!! How could someone give that to me. After I heard this I was convinced my second bout of the chest cold had to be the residual effects of the “chicken fish.” John convinced me otherwise.

Despite fighting off this chest cold and everything else, April also brought Drake Relays which I was able to attend with the ENTIRE family, everyone! It was such a great time! The following weekend Bill, Nicole, and I went to Jazz Fest in New Orleans and saw some incredible bands. That was also an amazing weekend.

Now here we are in May, 7 months out of treatment and I am feeling better. My energy level is better and I have a tendency to use every bit of it every single day. At times I am on my feet much too long and really pay the price for this: pain and not being able to walk very well.

I have continued with low impact exercise, bike riding, stretching, weight lifting, etc… this always makes me feel so much better.

This past week has been crazy! Michelle graduated from ASU law school, and Billy, my son-in-law, graduated from ASU MBA program. Wow, we are so proud of them.

Michelle, Pete, Nicole, Kristen and I went to see President Obama speak at the commencement ceremony!! WOW!! What a fabulous experience. His speech was amazing! We feel proud to have him as our president. There I said it, I am a big fan!!

I will do my best to keep up the blog. There is a lot of things I am working on and as soon as I can get a few things organized I will let you know!

Much Love to all of you and again thank you so much for all you support,

Colleen